Look closer and you will see

Let me show you my life, it's really not fair
I'm just a woman, all nails, make up & hair
I make myself pretty, for all to see
Because I don't want you to think ill of me
But you see behind my make up hides a secret that's dark
You see my face carries a lifetime of marks
It started not long after we met
The first time he uttered a cold, icy threat
Followed by the thud of his fist in my face
I think I must have forgotten my place
You see I chose an outfit that was not to his taste
And my punishment let me feel his disgrace
Soon after I got the "I'm sorry honey" speech
But it still felt like he had a lesson to teach
To put me in check, to correct my ways
And on most occasions my life went by in a daze
You see I can't remember all the details now
Not since the hammer hit just above my brow
He swore it was a mistake and wouldn't happen again
But it was just another day, another link in my chain
For you see, I am no longer, I am a dream
And all because nobody took notice of my scream
He hit me so hard that I didn't come round
And he just left me there, in a heap, on the ground
The neighbours they'd heard all the cries and commotion
And even saw him leave the house, he was described as ‘devoid of emotion'
You see he killed me that day because I wanted some air
My friends had always told me to beware
But now it's too late and I was too scared
Killed by the one whose life I had shared
He claimed I had fell, and he wasn't home
But in my hair they found bits of chrome
They found he's hurt another before
So now he's locked so he can't hurt anyone anymore
But for me it's too late, I should have left him
The hope is my story will help someone's life be less grim.

Hidden Hurt

We hide in Silence

We hide in silence
Keeping our thoughts in safes
Locked away for fear of not being believed

We hide in our homes
In the comfort of the known
The prison where we know to follow rules

We hide in isolation
Self-imposed through lack of self

We hide behind our roles
Our duties to each other
Never letting on the person behind the scenes

We hide for fear of being
Lest we should wake up and try to live.

3 Crucial Laws Against Domestic Violence In India: Know Them, Protect Yourself

Widespread and rampant violence against women is one of the most pressing problems India struggles with as a society. It is estimated that around 37 percent of Indian women have experienced either physical or sexual violence in their lifetime.

In 2013 alone, there were nearly a hundred and twenty thousand reports of domestic violence against women, according to India’s National Crime Records Bureau.

Furthermore, a 2015 study conducted by the Planning Commission of India surmised that a whopping 84 percent of women have been abused in their homes at least once.

However, a majority of these women are far too afraid of social stigma to reveal that they are victims of abuse. This is due to women’s poor social standing in Indian society, where beating a woman for even the smallest things is seen as a justified act.

The Indian Penal Code Amendment in 1983

A special section, numbered 498-A, that officially made domestic violence a criminal offense was added to the Indian Penal Code in 1983. This section of the law specifically covers cruelty towards married women by their husbands or their husbands’ families.

A helpful clause in this section allows women’s relatives to make the complaint for them. This is extremely beneficial in cases where the woman is too afraid to speak up for herself, for reasons such as she could get caught by her husband or simply cannot leave the house.

One kind of cruelty that can be punished is behavior that causes a woman’s death or serious injury, or pushes her to commit suicide. Another kind is the type of harassment relating to intimidating the woman or her relatives to give up her property.

Under the policy, acts of cruelty include, but are not limited to, the following:

• physical abuse;
• mental torture through threats to her or her loved ones (such as children);
• denying the woman food;
• locking her in or out of the house as punishment; and
• demanding perverse sexual acts against the woman’s will.

Convicted offenders will be charged with up to three years of prison, as well as a hefty fine.

   

The 2005 Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act

Created in 2005 and enacted over a year later, the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act is exactly what the title proclaims.

This is the first law in India to specifically acknowledge every woman’s right to be in a home without violence. In fact, it was seen as a major step forward in securing women’s rights and more effective protection.

It is a long and comprehensive law that details several important policies and procedures meant to help women.

First, it gives a specific definition of domestic violence: actual or threats of physical, mental, emotional, sexual, or verbal abuse, as well as harassment regarding dowry or property.

Women are given the right to seek protection against such acts, and their relatives can file a complaint for them against husbands who break the law.

Second, a woman’s right to reside in their “matrimonial household” is clearly recognized. She cannot be evicted from it as she rightfully shares it with her husband.

If she is evicted, she has the right to seek monetary compensation and safe shelter, as well as free legal and medical aid.

Lastly, both NGOs and divisions of the Indian Government – such as the National Commission for Women – took the initiative to organize awareness seminars that could be easily attended by women who are affected by this act, e.g., women in high risk areas.

Violators of this law will either be mandated to compensate the woman financially, or will be served a restraining order to keep them away from the complainant.

The 2013 Criminal Law Amendment

As a response to the requests made by the Justice Verma Committee, a small commission named after and headed by one of India’s most highly regarded jurists, a lengthy list of amendments to the Indian Penal Code, Code of Criminal Procedure, and the Indian Evidence Act were introduced in this 2013 act.

The aim of the amendment was to provide harsher and swifter punishment for those criminals who committed abuse against women.

Details regarding sexual assault and rape were clarified and added onto. For instance, “rape” was given a better and more exhaustive legal definition, to include non-consensual penetration using non-sexual objects, as well as non-penetrative sexual acts.

Penalties for offenses such as rape, assault, and sexual harassment were increased.

In particular, heavier sentences were declared for rapists, even including the death sentence for particularly disturbing cases, such as gang rape where the victim was left in a vegetative state after the crime.

New offenses that are punishable by law were introduced by the amendment as well. These include, but are not limited to:

• acid attacks (the act of throwing acid upon a woman with the intention of disfiguring, maiming, or outright killing her);
• stalking;
• voyeurism (spying with prurient or indecent interest); and
• publicly and forcefully disrobing a woman

However, despite the commission’s recommendations, the amendment failed to address the issue of marital rape. This exception basically assumes that marriage automatically means the woman will always consent to her husband’s sexual desires.

This ridiculous notion implies that rape cannot happen within a marriage, when in fact it does, and even happens quite frequently to Indian women.

Domestic violence: How women can deal with it

Any act that threatens the well-being of an individual is termed as abuse, while domestic violence is the systematic method in which one partner gains power and control by instilling fear and forcing subservience. Violence is not only physical abuse, but emotional, economic, verbal, and sexual. The social stigma of public dishonor is the greatest cause for a woman to become trapped in this atrocious environment, and another important reason is economic dependence on her perpetrator.

Many times a woman feels that the abuse she goes through is her fault, that she has made a mistake. This deduction is false; abusing is the abuser’s fault not the victim’s. In the beginning of this horrifying journey the victim may feel the reasons for being abused are justified, as time goes on and she keeps changing herself for the abuser, she then realizes that there is no escaping from his wrath, he will be violent for any reason and no reason at all. An abuser feels entitled over the victim’s body and her mind, she is not allowed to have individuality, for the abuser she is his commodity.

Many women believe that staying with her husband and tolerating this abuse would be in the best interest of her children, as the family is kept together. But a study conducted by psychologists saw those infants that were victims of extreme abuse, had also become abusive towards other children and lacked the ability to express empathy. Abuse becomes a learned behavior, and a vicious cycle. Studies have shown it is in the best interest of the child for the parents to separate if they cannot maintain a healthy relationship. A mother is doing a disservice to her child by continuing with her toxic relationship, and a greater disservice to herself.

There are severe effects of domestic violence on the victim. She slowly becomes dependent on the male as her freedom is snatched from her and she is cut off from family and friends, she is made to feel incompetent and doesn’t have the confidence to leave him. If a daughter sees her father abusing her mother, and is a victim of that abuse herself, subconsciously she is more than likely to choose a partner who will show the same traits. When she will go through the same experiences as her mother, it brings a feeling of normalcy and a greater acceptance of this indiscriminate act, as her mother suffered in silence for years so will she.

Women are usually afraid to report cases of domestic abuse in fear that her husband will be arrested, that a long legal proceeding will ensue bringing public shame and scrutiny. For this reason ‘Special Cells’ have been created, it provides counseling to husbands and wives where they teach communication methods, and the counselors slowly work to remove aggression. The first attempt is always to save the marriage, as the solution to domestic violence is not always separation. Yet this decision is in the hands of the wife, if she believes she does not want to stay with her husband then she is not obliged to go through counseling.

Now the law is on women’s side, with the Protection of Women against Domestic Violence Act (2005), the Indian Law has come to realize that there are multifaceted problems faced by women in domestic affairs. This Act protects women, helps women, and also provides safety to women economically, physically and mentally. When a woman files an FIR against her abuser, she gets immediate help from the police and there is no delay in nabbing the criminal. Now, a woman does not have to go through a battery of cross questioning where her integrity is put to question, she is legally in the position of power and her needs are met first.

We tend to ignore the fact that help is needed from both sides. The abuser needs to go for psychological counseling and should have anger management therapy, while the victim needs counseling to regain her sense of self and individuality, to make her more independent and self-assured. Being an extremely aggressive individual with no control over your emotions does not have to be your destiny, it can be stopped with the application of the right methods and getting the right help.